Solstice at the Marsh

I went to the most magical aerial dance retreat in Georgia last week. I spent 4 days at The Marsh Studio with lots of amazing people, bruising myself on trapeze, learning to open myself up and make myself vulnerable and receptive to the experience of dancing with my apparatus as partner. I think my favorite lesson of the whole weekend was the reminder that I am enough. Never apologize for a performance and what I have created.

Headaches

Warning: this is a little self-indulgent, but it was necessary at the time. 

 

So, disclaimer, things are much better than they were when I drew this comic about a month ago. My doctor had put me on a crazy anti-seizure medicine in hopes it would help with my migraines. Not only did it not help with the headaches, but I had really bad side-effects. I had trouble thinking and focusing, I would forget words all the time which made it very difficult to hold conversations, I was running into things while walking, I lost weight because I would forget to eat for a whole day, my fingers would tingle all the time like my hands were falling asleep, and I was having panic attacks. I was on this for a little over a month and for that month it became really hard to deal with daily life because now I was not only in pain but I felt like my brain was failing me.
It took so much energy just to get through work that I didn't really have energy for anything else so I mostly stopped hanging out with people because it was too hard to hold a conversation. I didn't go right back to my doctor to be taken off of it because I no longer trusted myself and I thought, maybe this is just what I'm always like. The headache specialist I started seeing this month took me off the medicine right away and things got better fast. Now that I'm seeing this specialist I feel much more hopeful that the headaches will pass with hopefully as few unobtrusive medications as possible.
I wasn't going to post this one originally because it just felt too personal, but I also wasn't really talking to people about what I was going through at the time so I will share now.

Oops.

and 3 months later I still can't touch my toes. 

This is why I'm shy around people I don't know very well...

because when I talk things like this come out of my mouth.

Bow and Arrow

 

High Angel Low Angel

The hardest part of my aerial education has been getting over my fear of heights. Strength hasn't been much of a problem, not that I don't need to get stronger, but it's easy to build muscle. If there's a move I'm working on but not strong enough, I just keep working and exercising until it happens. My fear of heights surprisingly didn't bother me that much when I began to learn the silks a year ago. It wasn't until I started learning drops that my pesky survival instincts - you know, the ones that tell you it's a bad idea to willingly let yourself plummet head first toward the ground from 15 ft - started to be an issue. It sometimes takes me weeks of going up into the drop and just sitting there and slowly backing myself down before I can let go. Once I finally do it, I have no trouble doing it again - it's just that first time. No matter how much I want to, and know I can - my body will not listen to my mind and allow my hands to loosen.

In any case, I've been working on the High Angel/Low Angel drop (aka crucifix drop) for about 2 months. Going up into the balance at the top every time I'm in the studio, but unable to let go. I finally let myself plummet head first to the ground and trust that the silks would catch me. In honor of this moment, I drew this comic.


This is a video of me doing an admitedly sloppy High Angel/Low Angel during a workout session.